Learning About Compassion and Forgiveness After Growing Up in a ‘Dysfunctional’ Family

Growing up in an Asian household, there have been times when I resented the relationships I had with my family. Looking back now, however, I realise that it was simply their way of showing concern and love, based on what they knew.

My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew they always fought and screamed at one another. I guess I just I got used to this relationship and didn’t think much of it. 

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Maybe that was what led to having a dysfunctional family, where no one knew how to express their feelings. We blamed each other, we didn’t eat together as a family, and we closed off our feelings – becoming a family of strangers who were simply connected by blood and familial responsibility.

I remember when I was in year 5, I had depression and I would stay up all night with my sister, playing video games.

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I would say this was our escape from reality. Gradually, I lost all interest in going to school, so I ended up skipping it. At times, I wouldn’t even take care of my physical appearance. This drove my mother to her breaking point and she didn’t know what to do.

Back in 2012, depression wasn’t a common thing. My mother took my sister and me to various places to find a ‘cure’ for this state and spent lots of money on medicine. She eventually became an overbearing ‘helicopter mum’, who would always nag us and be strict. 

Looking back, our mum was only trying her best to show she was worried about us, and cared for us in a ‘tough love’ way that’s typical of Asian parents.

Perhaps this was the repercussions of having a dysfunctional family, leading to some sort of rebellion without realising that it would eventually hurt those around us.

During this time, my mind drifted into concerning territory and I would often ask myself what my purpose in life was. I suppose all this reflection led me to Falun Dafa, also known as Falun Gong, a spiritual practice of the mind and body. 

Read Falun Gong Described by Many as a ‘True Way’.

Turning Point

I don’t think I remember exactly when my thinking started to change, but I know there were times throughout primary school, where the principles of Falun Dafa would remind me how to conduct myself with high moral values.

I first came across Falun Dafa in a local park when I was six. My mother began first, then slowly introduced it to us at home. In the beginning, we were practicing together as a family  – my mother, sister and I  – but after a while, as mum got busier, we slowly stopped. 

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However, what I learnt from Falun Dafa was subconsciously still part of me, only it was at the back of my memory. I wouldn’t have remembered the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance.

What I did remember was that the teacher of Falun Dafa, Mr. Li Hongzhi, said that looking within is a “magical tool.” That’s what stuck with me the most and what I did and still am doing. 

In year 6, I went back to school. It was a 180-degree transformation, and I became happier being myself.

Matured Reflection

Reflecting back, I’m grateful for those experiences as it has made me who I am today, I’m glad that I went through something like that when I was young, as it has made me wiser.

I do regret, however, that I’ve caused others so much pain for being so selfish. I really do want to sincerely apologise to my mother and year 5 teacher. I heard from a friend that my year 5 teacher was quite pained and frustrated with my not going to school – only now do I realise that others might take my actions personally.

I am now in my 20s and in my final year of university. Our family is now harmonious, and we actually eat together! Growing up has been rough, but all my experiences counted as lessons to make me into the adult I am today.

Food with family, credit: Unsplash.com

Through my spiritual practice, I am not only able to better improve my shortcomings, but I am also able to consider others first. Honestly, I’m not pursuing anything in particular through the practice, I simply hope to improve and learn to be better, and I think I have finally found a guide to do so. There are many obstacles and tribulations, but I believe they can all be endured and overcome. You may not know now but, “after passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!”—Lecture 9, Zhuan Falun.

Falun Dafa volunteers are currently holding free online meditation classes where you can learn the exercises from the comfort of your own home. Feel free register your interest here.

‘Learn Falun Gong—Australia’ is a website run by Australian Falun Dafa volunteers for the benefit of the general public.

Disclaimer: Information is provided as a guide only, and does not take the place of professional or medical advice.